General Musings

Quite a few of our friends around us are expecting. A number have babies and a number are trying/planning etc. As for us, we muddle along with the 3 Little Songs. Today I realised that we had 3 kids in the span of about 3 years and 9 months. Still, we often get asked the question "So when's number 4 coming?" (Yes, the questions never end)

Thinking about parenthood, looking at my kids usually brings about a whole gamut of emotions. There is pride, there is joy, there is disbelief (are they really mine? Did I pop them all out). A feeling that I feel more often than not is wistfulness, especially when I look at pregnant bellies and little squishy newborns.. I know my little Songs are growing up well and happy, but part of me feels sad that it is more than likely that we won't have another little squish in our family.

While I am thoroughly happy with our little family, and I know physically, financially, pragmatically we are probably at the peak, I think there will always be a wistful thought having another bub in the house would be nice.. Ok until the hyperemesis sets in and I have to deal with sleepless nights all over again... 

2016

I always feel I struggle to put my thoughts down into writing. It's like they flow to eloquently in my head, but when I come to putting them down in writing, my laziness gets in the way. Don't even get me started on getting them into spoken form. Sometimes I feel my brain and mouth don't quite connect, but I am trying to work on that.

So it's the new year! I will be making resolutions, that usually start with getting 'super secret credit card''s debt down to zero. Hurhur. But at the same time I think I would really like to work on my life. I would like to learn to be more positive, more appreciative, more satisfied. To understand that people are made up of good and not-so-good traits but to learn to see the good. And not to worry so much. Oh yes, I think my worrying has come up to ridiculous levels, even though I try to contain it within myself most of the time.

Till then, this will also be a year of exams. I have an exam prep course tomorrow from 9-5. So I think it is also time to hit the sack.

Baby M's Birth Story

I have told this story so many times but I thought that I should really write it down. Actually, now that I think back, I quite clearly remember each of the kids' births. Makes me wonder why I actually went back each time too!

With M, I chose to work till 37 weeks. It must have been some kind of pregnancy madness that drove me to do that.. considering that I suffered from bad SPD this pregnancy. By the end of it I couldn't even turn in bed and getting out of bed was done in complete agony. Plus I was waking up hourly to go to the toilet. On the upside, M wasn't as big as T. So maybe that was what kept me going. So pukey, tired and grumpy me was plodding along to work.

So work finished on the Friday. I left slightly early. Happy and chirpy. Looking forward to enjoying some time off before bub arrived. Well, also, it was the school holidays for N. So that weekend we celebrated the godson's birthday. I even made him a cake. I think I even lugged myself somewhere that Saturday. Some church thing that escapes me now. I can't remember what I did on Monday. On Tuesday we went to see the good obstetrician. He didn't even examine me. I think he did check that bub's head was definitely down (yes).. but more so cos the hubs was at the appointment. He said he would be happy to examine me the next appointment and book me in for an induction then since I would be 38 weeks. So I happily went home… looking forward to N's play date the next day where I would hopefully be happily sipping a new cold drink while he played with his friend. His friend's mum kept joking with me what would happen if I went into labour at her place.

So that night we all went to bed as per normal. The beached whale and all. At 3:20am I awoke with the sensation of a snap just above my pubic symphysis. Then I noticed my undies were slightly wet. As I had been coughing for the last few weeks… badly… and I had a weakened pelvic floor.. I was also wetting myself. So I lugged myself up to the toilet to change my undies. Grumble grumble… since I was doing it a lot and running out of undies. I then noticed that the bottom bit of my undie around the liner was wet too. And some fluid trickled down my leg. So I thought AHA! my waters have broken.. and oh great.. this baby is coming soon!!! I sniffed the fluid.. which smelled like amniotic fluid… but no contractions.. no show… and no further leaking…. thought.. oh well.. maybe I wet myself…. who knows right (My waters had never broken by themselves before.. both times they were broken by someone while I was in labour). But I called the hospital just to be safe. I was so unprepared I didn't even have the hospital's number! I had to stumble out into the lounge to look for my maternity pack.

So the tired midwife on the other end told me to pop a pad on and call back at 5am. So I did just that. Still no contractions. So I settled in bed to play Candy Crush and check my Facebook. Was a little too hyped up by then to go back to bed.

At about 4-ish .. can't remember the exact time.. I went to check the pad. Which was only very very slightly damp. *Where was the big gush people always talk about???* And I noticed a small pin-prick of blood. I got excited. Finally!! This was my show!! I was feeling mild twinges by then. So I called the hospital again. Think it was like 4:15? And they told me the same thing… wait and see.

So since I have my priorities completely aligned… I decided to go have a shower and wash my hair.. so I would be nice and clean to meet my baby girl! In the shower, the contractions started to get regular. So I stood in there for a little while enjoying the hot water. The contractions were painful but bearable. They felt like when I was in early labour with N at home. Then I got out of the shower.. felt like I had to do a #2.. did it… cleaned up.. and sat on the toilet contracting.. cos you know… that is the most comfortable spot to be in….

Just before 5am.. I prodded the hubby and told him he needed to go get changed. This was it! I was in labour and I needed to go to the hospital. I was already planning to demand an epidural the moment I walked in the door. So poor guy had to get up and get dressed.

In the meanwhile, since the hubby's spot had been evacuated.. I decide to lie down. Hello! I was in pain here. By the time the hubby had changed his top and brushed his teeth (which wasn't long at all).. I told him.. forget it… call the ambulance.. I don't think I will make it to the hospital. They say in critical times, your medical training just kicks in. And I think this was one of those times. So the person on the phone tells the hubby… you need to prepare to deliver the baby… get her on her back… and get lots of towels. By this point I was lying on my side… had already gotten rid of my pants as somehow they seemed to hurt being on… and was hugging a towel… so the hero of the moment somehow rolled me… bearing in mind he weighs less than 50kg and I prob weighed more than a baby whale at that time it was quite a feat… he grabbed a ton of towels…. and shoved them under me. And tried to find 'baby parts'. First attempt nothing… I was thinking to myself.. ok.. maybe I am not that close yet… in spite of feeling all the pressure and a great urge to push. So then I decided.. ah heck.. I feel like pushing.. let's push… I know how to do it anyway.. I've done it before… plus if I push this baby out… the pain will end! So I pushed… and checked myself and voila… I told hubby.. there's a head there! And thankfully at this point in time.. in walk the paramedics.. who had been let in the door by my poor parents who had been woken up by my shrieking and had thought that a wild animal had entered the house. And on the next push out pops Baby M.. and a whole lot of fluid! Ah.. there's my gush. And the proud daddy got to cut the cord… and mummy and bub got packed up and loaded onto the ambulance… after the placenta was delivered. The placenta did take a while.. and they initially considered just loading me onto the ambulance with the placenta undelivered. So M and I got our first ever hospital rides to Hotel Cabrini where the midwives were all ready for us. In fact, they had even woken poor Dr T up already and soon he was in the birthing suite going.. Didn't I tell you to behave yourself! And you had to go deliver at home!

So in hospital, they warmed M up.. who obviously had gotten cold from the adventure… stitched me up… gave me my injections.. and the horrible misoprostil to stop my bleeding.. that always makes me chuck… and then wheeled me in the bed to the maternity ward.. 'Cos you looked like you were going to collapse on the floor'.. said the kindly midwife.. 'I didn't think I could get you onto the wheelchair' she added.

So that sums up M's birth story. The most exciting of all. The hubs joked that for #4, we better buy a house down the road from the hospital. Since my labours have been just under 8 hours, just under 4 hours and ummm… under an hour???? To which I replied.. what #4?!?!!?

2013

So yet another year is coming to an end and once again I am saying, "Where has time gone?"

I spent the first 8 months of this year being a SAHM. After the experience of going back to work when N was 4 months old, I decided that it would be better to spend more time at home this time with T. So based on my work roster, I decided to take 9 months off. I did enjoy my time at home with the kids. Especially with T. I think it helped with bonding and with the breastfeeding experience. N stopped direct latching from 6 months as I was back at work and working ridiculous hours. I got to go to baby activities and play dates with T. I do have some regrets that I wasn't more well organized though. Perhaps it's cos I am a hugely idealistic person. I had all these wonderful thoughts of all the exciting activities I would do with N while looking after T. Well... let's just say with a little one and a toddler, the days were mainly planned on a day by day basis. I say this wistfully... once again, N spent more time with his grandparents while I was being a cow to T. Sigh... trying to bond more with #1 is still a struggling priority on my list! He loves his grandparents.

Talking about N. He grew so much this year. At his second birthday, I was worried that he wasn't saying much. He was only saying short phrases. He didn't even say mummy. He called us 'mee mee' and 'dee dee'. He appeared to understand things but he didn't say much. Then suddenly, after his second birthday, his vocabulary just blossomed and now people marvel at how much he can say and how well he can say it. Sometimes I wonder if there was a way to tone down his jabber! Kids say the darndest things and N can be really funny! Just yesterday, he came up to me and said, "Mummy, my OYG (grandpa's full name) is tired!" He sings songs in tune, tells his own stories... still has a huge stubborn streak!! He's learning to be a good big brother, even when the little one annoys him. He is really becoming his own little person. We recently celebrated his last day at childcare and I thought I was going to cry! We are also currently toilet training. Yes, we left it slightly late. Seems somewhat successful thus far! He loves his music and his animals. He also loves his lego and can build animals and buildings all by himself. He'll be starting violin lessons soon and is really excited about them. He also knows he holds the key to his grandparents' hearts and really knows how to get his way with them! Oh, and he performed successfully with his Sunday School class for Fathers' day. So proud of him! He now understands the concepts of birthdays and Christmas (except that I think he thinks they last for longer than a day).

Little T has shown me how different siblings can be. Where N is serious and cautious, T is playful and cheeky. I love how Little T is affectionate and smiley most of the time. He is also our human dustbin! He loves his food and he loves to eat and gets angry when he doesn't get his food fast enough. The first year is all about firsts and we celebrated so many firsts this year. First time sitting up, first time standing up, first steps (still not walking yet!), first time sleeping through the night!! (Whee!!!) Little T loves his big brother. The first night he got evicted from Mummy & Daddy's room, he slept right through cos he knew his kor kor was right there with him. He wants everything that kor kor has. Tonight he even decided kor kor's food is better than his! We celebrated first words.. dadee, kor! Na-Na, gong (grandpa), crock (clock). He can clap his hands, identify various objects and people, knock his head (don't ask!!!) Younger siblings are so lucky that they have older ones to learn from... just observing T, I think he picks up things much faster than N cos he has N to exemplify everything!

Learning to be a mummy of 2 (and going back to work!) has not been easy. Sometimes I sit at work and think about my little ones at home. There are always times when I ask myself if I made the right decision to return to work. I think mummy-guilt will always exist. It is learning how to accept and be satisfied with whatever situation God puts you in and continuing to believe that He was always guide us.

Learning to be parents of 2 was another great challenge. Parenting is a team effort and I thank God for a great partner who picks up heaps of my slack. (Yes, I still love to sleep after 2 kids!) He changes to poopy nappies, does the sleep training, cleans up the puke mess... The kids couldn't ask for a better Daddy. Oh and of course he had to deal with the grumpy mummy as well. Being a cow with little sleep makes one extremely grumpy!

So what does 2014 hold for us? Well.. I know one thing. My future lies in my Saviour's hands.

Blessed New Year Everyone!

Our second 1st Birthday

So last week I celebrated being a mummy of 2 for 1 year.

I have always felt first birthdays were more for the parents to celebrate one year of parenting. I mean, do you remember your first birthday?

One year of parenting a baby and a toddler. 10 months of that year included interrupted, sleepless nights. One year of sweet baby chuckles and heaps of spit ups. One year of marking those exciting 1st year milestones again. One year of learning to deal with a toddler's jealousy. One year of learning how to cope with one going 'mummy, mummy, mummy' and one crying at the same time. One more year of being extremely grateful to have the parents help out. One year of being mummy cow again.

My 2 Little Songs, always remember that you are very much loved. Though I do have wistful thoughts at times of our childless days, I am very grateful to have the 2 of you in our lives. Though at times I get driven a little crazy by your antics, Mummy loves nothing more than to hug and kiss my Little Songs and sing silly songs at bath time, meal time and bed time.. (yes, we sing a lot!)

To Timmy Wimmy Song, Happy 1st Birthday.

To Kor Kor Nat, don't worry, your birthday will be here soon! Didi won't be having another birthday for a year. :P

Little Song #2

So I really didn't manage to keep up with blogging during the pregnancy and the new Little Song has already arrived. So I shall try now to keep up with updates on the Little Songs.

So here is my birth story.. warning.. I am a doctor.. so it can be pretty detailed!!!

I must admit I was slightly apprehensive in the weeks leading up to Baby T's birth. Somehow, having gone through it once before made me think of 'what could go wrong'. Surprisingly I wasn't really thinking about the pain in labour.. but all the complications that could happen. Yes, welcome to the mind of a doctor.

So I worked up till almost week 37. Huffing and puffing along. I hated having to order radiology tests for patients as the radiology department is all the way on the other side of the hospital from the psych ward.. so I would have to waddle at a snail's pace all the way from one end and back. I got flowers and gifts on the last day. Was really nice. I like 6 month rotations as opposed to 3 month ones as you feel more belonged.

So then the waiting game began... week 37... no news.. week 38... nup... week 39... *twiddling thumbs*... I had a few occasions where I would start contracting.. even once where I was contracting 3-minutely.. but the contractions never intensified or became more frequent.. I even gave up timing them after 2 episodes.. and of course the groin pain worsened.. couldn't turn in bed at night.. kept having to wake up to pee.. I think my record was 5 times in one night... had to go at least every couple of hours. :/

I actually made it to my 40 week appointment this time! I was actually 40+1 at that appointment. Contrary to many people saying that subsequent babies are normally early, F actually told me that in practice, most of her friends, and her included went later with the 2nd bub. So much for getting my hopes up. So at that appointment, Dr T asked what I wanted to do... by that appointment... somehow all the paranoia had subsided and I had pretty much decided what I wanted to do. Haha... it was like.. induce me PLEASE!!! I think one factor was that Dr T does not do inductions like how we do them where I work.. he uses what he calls a gentler method... that involves a hormonal gel in the morning.. the waiting to see what happens... before actually using oxytocin through the drip straight away... plus he told me at the 39 week appointment that all seemed well enough to go ahead if I wanted to.. so we managed to get an induction slot for the next day! Dr T asked if that was too soon for me... and I was like.. definitely not!

So the next morning.. at 40+2 weeks, the hubs and I trundled to the hospital at 6:30am.. ok fine.. we were late... I somehow set my alarm to 6:30am instead of 5:30am.. then I had to shower and wash my hair... wake the hubs up.. have the breakfast that mum insisted we eat (big mistake!)... got the paperwork done when we got there and went up to the labour ward... had a chance to have a good look around this time since I was well in labour when I was there with Nat and in complete agony so all I wanted was a bed to lie down in...

Got ourselves settled into the room.. had a CTG done.. then Dr T showed up... inserted the gel... and the wait began.. wasn't too long to wait.. initially the midwife said the pains I was experiencing were from the gel... but they were becoming worse.. the initial plan was for Dr T to come back at lunch time to break my waters.. to speed things up... so I decided to use the hot shower.. since I'd abandoned the wheat/lavender bag at home... and the pain just got worse.. I was literally cooking myself with the hot water... it actually felt quite good.. at about 9am I asked if I could have an epidural NOW.. Dr T had told me I could ask for an epidural at anytime I wanted... even before he came back to do an ARM... but the midwife offered panadeine!... good grief... but she went out and checked and came back and told me I could have the epidural if I wanted.. then she felt my belly and said.. hmm.. those are good contractions.. hur! I could have told you that ages ago!!!

So they get the anaesthetist on call.. somehow I managed to sit up through getting a drip put in and the epidural put in while seated.. I refused to sit up with Nat... was a lot happier with this epidural... it actually took most of the contraction pain away... only felt the pain in my right rib and my pubic bone.. strangely enough.. but at least I wasn't screaming the house down once the epidural kicked in. :P

So midway through the epidural.. another midwife appears and goes.. hmmm.. maybe you are quite close from the way you are sounding... so they check again... 9cm...almost 10.. but my waters have not broken and the head needs to descend a little more... well.. at least I am not in agony anymore at this point!

After this things become a little blurry... the midwife goes.. oh I better go inform your doctor... then after a while she looks at the CTG and says my contractions seem to be regular but short.. and I am thinking... NOOOOOO... I don't want the oxytocin drip!!!... but they pick up... checked again and she told me I could start pushing (now I really wish I attended a refresher antenatal class cos I couldn't really remember all this stuff from Nat!)... so Dr T arrives... decides to break the bulging amniotic sac that causes a minor flood... Also had to have ANOTHER episiotomy.. and well... the epidural.. while it takes away the contraction pain.. it sure does not take away the pain down under when the baby's head is pressing on the perineal floor!! But anyways.. after the cut... Dr T delivered Baby T's head. The midwife had asked me earlier if I wanted to touch his head as it was emerging and I was like all.. oh no!!

And so we welcomed Baby T (yes, we used the obstetrician's name) on 28/11/12 at 11:54am. (: Baby T weighed a whooping 4175g. Seems that the Songs are all big babies. Oh wells.  Dr T joked that it was so quick that he was meant to come back to do an ARM... and the midwives said.. technically you did do an ARM! And delivered the baby at the same time. (:

Pregnancy Thoughts

Hello!

Let's see how well I keep up at this. I haven't been very successful at all in the past. But the older I get, the more I feel like I need to put my thoughts down somewhere. I was taught to journal (by force) from the age of 6. I did that till I was 12 and then did it sporadically... occasionally... infrequently......... I am also a great procrastinator.. and a big lazy bum!

But hey.. in slightly over 4 months I'll be a mummy of 2! *shudder* and I think that warrants things being written and stored if anything else! (:

I think one thing that has struck me most in both my pregnancies is how little control one has over them. Yes, I am a major control freak and this makes it even more trying! You have no control over whether or not you fall pregnant. You have no control of how the pregnancy will turn out. You have no control over your symptoms. You have no control over your baby's gender (more on this later!) You have no control over when baby arrives! You have no control over your labour or your birth! ... phew... then you get to choose a name! Finally says the control freak.... then the list continues... I won't even go into how poor a sleeper Nat was!

I think for control freaks like myself, pregnancy is a time when God really teaches one to trust Him. Faith is believing in what you cannot see. God says do not be anxious is anything but to bring everything to Him in prayer. Much easier said than done of course. But life is a lesson. And to me this is one lesson that God has taught and continues to teach me.

So today, I just want to thank God. To thank Him for Nat as we continue to watch him grow and enjoy every moment with him. To thank Him for Baby Song as we have reached the halfway mark and more with him and all is going well. To be blessed with 2 healthy little ones. And to thank Him for bringing us through.